Story of my life.

So I had to go to the city today to get some paper work done in order to get my passport renewed tomorrow. I woke up at around 5:50 was on the train on time, but there were no seats. So I had to force myself awake in order not topple over to some one's lap. Once in the city I got to City Hall too early and had to stand in the cold for half an hour, than there was the bomb scare... story of my life!!!! I can not tell you how typical this is for me, it took me 2 hours to get something that should take at most half an hour, all the while I am freaking out cause I have to get back to work and tell my boss that I made a mistake and that I have to take off tomorrow not Thursday the way I originally told him. Fortunately all worked out well I'm ready to go for tomorrow..oh wait I forgot the pictures I have to take and the copies...It's going to be another looong night. Does not surprise me one bit.

The rat race

On my cork board next to my desk I have a New Yorker cartoon with two guys in an office, one of the guys is looking at the other all groggy and miserable, the caption reads “Damn! I keep waking up in the middle of the day.” Story of my life. I have found a common thread amongst the blogs that I read on a daily basis including myself. That thread happens to be that every one of us is at a minimum bored with their work. I happen to not only be incredibly bored with my job but I hate it. I don’t particularly care for insurance I don’t even particularly care for marketing, yet here I am. I am good at my job and sales have improved by up to 87% in some areas due to my efforts, yet I am still dissatisfied, bored and ready for the next thing. I suppose that having two huge C U Next Tuesdays for co-workers doesn’t help my cause either. On Sundays I start getting depressed at around 8 realizing that the inevitable is going to happen..Monday. My roommate insists that hating people will land a hand basket and me straight to hell, so I wont say I hate them I just loathe them. I happen to be a very accepting person; I will believe that you are not a complete asshole till proven otherwise. My co-workers have proven otherwise. The only thing that stops me from walking out of this inferno is like my roommate so eloquently put it “You buy a lot of stuff”. I love shopping, what can I tell you I just love acquiring that item that for one split second makes me happy. I am really not crazy about it I mean I don’t owe my left kidney to credit cards, so I consider myself “ in control” of the situation. Yes I am aware of what it means, I know I am trying to fill a void in my life blah blah blah…but I guess I am just not ready to stop shopping yet, besides its cheaper than therapy. Ok so that’s my daily rant, so in conclusion my work sucks, I’m crazy and love to buy pretty shiny things. TTFN!

Yo quiero

Quiero- "I want"

Quisiera- "I would like, I would want or I wish I could"

Te quiero - "I love you" or the sexier translation"I want you"

Why do I bring this up? I was listening to my spanish radio station and one of my favorite songs came on by Paulina Rubio "Todo mi Amor"(All of my Love). This song has one of my most favorite verses: Quiero que me quieras como soy, quiero que me quieras porque si. Which loosely translates to "I want you to want me the way I am, I want you to want me just because" I gotta tell you in spanish it has a little more depth to the words but I think you get the gist of it. I love that phrase, I think it embodies what I want..Lo que quiero. I know that's easier said than done, but still it's a verse that touches me...in all the wrong places but nevertheless it touches me. Considering I am the queen of lists here goes my list of things I want.. in no particular order.

I want to work in a job that I can love.
I want a pair of ridiculously expensive red shoes that I will only wear to bed..
I want to go away to a remote tropical island and swim all day and dance all night.
I want to write a book.
I want to tell my coworkers to fuck off and that I quit cause I just won the lottery!
I want to ride a horse on the beach.
I want to learn how to play the drums.
I want to tell my younger self to enjoy herself, and to acknowledge how good her life really was.
I want to accept that I am actually a very pretty girl.
I want to reenact White Snake's "Here I go again" video.
I want to drive a 1989 Porsche 911 down a country road with my hair blowing in the wind and my radio blasting.
I want to own a beautiful house on the beach, where I can have my coffee by the surf.
I want to ski double black diamonds and not die or break something!
I want to go to Mexico and hug my grandmother.
I want to get my masters and my PhD and double PhD and...triple

Upon further inspection I have the crazy hair, and the will, all I need now is the see through nightie and a Jaguar..

My Master Plan!!

This year I have decided to be more organized, and yes this is a typical New Year's resolution but this time I have faith that I will follow through. I bought this beautiful leather planner with a gold trim that I write in everyday. I also have a separate notebook that at the beginning of the month I will write out a list of goals for that month, they range in importance of finding a new doctor to getting my nails done. Than during the month I record tidbits of the day that seem relevant to me and to my goals, from what I eat, what I spent, etc. My plan is that by the end of the month I can go through and check off goals attained and goals that I have failed at will go to the top to-do list for the following month. Sounds complicated? It is. I think I just feel like I need some structure, I constantly feel like I am free falling into the abyss, that a planner with gold trim feels like a rock to cling onto, even for just a minute before continuing my falling. January is coming to an end pretty quickly and my list is pretty much all checked off. I am very proud of myself, which is actually a goal I have on my list for February. I want to appreciate myself, for all that I am, and all that I am not. I know that my fragile self esteem is not something that can be healed in one short month but it is a start. I will dedicate the whole month to loving myself, and improving the things that I don't love so much, it is the month for love after all. I off to mail a belated present to my friend in Seattle (another check for my list!)
TTFN!